trilluminati | voicemail

Admiral Marcus. Double dealt with information, kept things from us, sent us on an illegal, immoral, and unethical mission under the guise of justice and vengeance when all it would do is get rid of a problem he made for himself, kill seventy two innocent people, one man that may or may not have had damn good reason for everything he'd done- and start a war with the Klingons.

He broke our ship, damn near destroyed it and what he didn't finish Khan did. Jim. Died. Trying to prevent a war, trying to find the third option, and he was put into a position to fail and for all of his crew to be killed by a man that wouldn't be free with his information, that put his trust in people who did the same.

We lost eighty crew members, have countless injured, and I can't even get started on how many civilians are dead because of what this man did- I haven't read the reports because where we're from it just happened.

I got no clue what to say. No clue what to say. This ain't some intergalactic warzone -- it's petty vandalism. I would never--

[ Breathing, breathing.

It doesn't work. ]

I'm never gonna prove myself to him. Never. I know I done some shit ain't right. I know you done some shit ain't right. I know Albert and Jet and Hikaru and her goddamn mother and anybody step foot on this island got some color on their past, but I'm trying. If I'd've known introducing him to Wesker'd be such a big goddamn deal, believe me I would've said something, but I didn't. I would never, ever, ever betray him like that. He's everything to me.

It's vandalism on the last sane place on a planet that's burnt itself to cinders. Any mission can be the one that ruins you.

You- no. The man you don't want to become again?

[He just lets that hang in the air for a good, long while.]

You need to give him more than just 'you're the captain'. You need to give him more than just 'I need you because of this'. You need to do more than talk, Q. You need to show him he can trust you. And as long as Wesker is a part of this job, he's out. I can't blame him either. You need to shoot straight with the people you want to work with and you need to have a handle on what's happening rather than putting blind faith in him, in Jim, or in anyone.

Devotion is admirable.

Blind faith gets people killed.

[A beat.]

Wait what- Hikaru's mother?

What--

What are you talking about? Who pulled you outta that jungle? Who showed you this island? Who got you in that lab? Who set up Beaumont? Who sent a fuckin' random-ass tribesman out to get you and the captain water when Jones was forcing you around a track? Who dismantled Jaden's whole life, piece by piece, so I'd have nothing left to go back to even if I wanted to be--

I ain't counting favors. I would never count favors, but I'm out of ways to prove myself. This wasn't even our project. I brought him in on it, to get him back on his swagger. Yeah, I'm tryna build him up. I'm tryna give him something, so he can feel like he's the cap'n, and not like that fucking abomina--

If he wanna let one guy come between what we got? You know what?

I'm still gonna apologize. And I'm still gonna eat shit. Because he's my boy. He can realize that whenever he wants, I'll be here. Take that back to him, tell him that and the thing about how it was really funny to tell you my lab partner's giving me STDs or whatever. Shit.

You don't get Jim to do something by handing him what you think he wants on a platter. God knows I've tried- it's not how his mind works. You mean well, you want to help, you have been breaking yourself against rocks to make sure that we're safe and sane and I appreciate that. I'm grateful, and even if he never talks to you again he's the same way.

But the company you keep and the closer you keep them says a lot about what you are and you aren't willing to tolerate. I don't know Wesker from Adam but if there's one thing I know it's that I can trust Jim's judgement when it comes to the content of character. I wavered on how he saw you and it was wrong of me- it is not YOU that we take issue with, kid.

It's how you do things. You help but you hide as much as you show. You ignore as much as you keep an eye on. And we've been lucky so far that it hasn't gotten more people killed.

We trust you. We do not trust what you're doing. There's a great big goddamn difference, kid-

[he sags, sighs, grumbles something along the lines of 'this is a fucking stupid idea' but grits out anyway.]

We hate the game, not the playah.

You right.

I oughtta drop Wesker like a baaaad habit, nah?

Kick him to the curb, tell him the jig is up, nah?

Leave him to the same kind of cold lonely isolation I felt when I came clean about crimes I never did. Just stand by, let him fall back on some old mistakes, drive himself crazy out there all alone, nah?

I'd do that, Doc, just to prove to you what a bad idea that'd be, but fuck that. I don't give up on no one. Not just him -- no one.

You know I got love for the cap'n. But how many friends he got, Doc? You know how many I got? All of em. Sure, they don't like me much, but I keeps em. I spend half my time keeping this shit afloat, half of it tryna keep my mitts up. If I lose something in translation well goddamn.

And I get it. I'm a realist. I know how deep people can cut. If you think I'm tolerating, you wrong. I spent my whole time here not tolerating a damn thing. But the one thing I can do is be unconditional when somebody need they head straight. Who taught me that? Not my piece of shit father. Not crackhead momma. Not my cousins, not that piece of shit haunting my head-- it's all you, L. L. Cool Bear. That's our blood out there, man. You should be helping me.

I'll start by show'n you how to focus in a goddamn conversation: I do not give a good goddamn about you and Wesker. I could not give less of a damn. Not a one. I'm just lett'n you know where Jim stands because you need him.

And kid? Truth of the matter is you need him a hell of a lot more than he needs you.

[It's cold. It's clinical. It's not entirely kind but it's true.]

You need to rethink how you do things. What you tell people, when you tell them. There is no need to know list. There is no top secret, there is no classified because we are not your goddamn military and you know that. Stop treating us like it. You know better and if you don't? You haven't been paying attention.

Attept'n to redirect and bring up paternal or familial feelings is tangential and manipulative- and you know better. And if you don't I'm tell'n you right now I do not abide that bullshit. Stop avoid'n the real conversation.

My man, check yourself. Manipulative?

Because I'm tryna make you see where I'm comin' from? Ain't that the kind of fucking transparency you askin' for, cause make up your goddamn mind what you want.

And I am not your goddamned leader. I don't owe you nothing. I was just fine before all'a y'all came around. I don't know how to allocate information, I don't get diplomacy, I'm a fucking HOMIE ON A ISLAND. I ain't no Starfleet, and I never said I was. Maybe instead'a crying witch the second I fuck up, you could just ask me a fucking question, son. Be happy I'm doing something. Don't you hold me to some impossible fucking standard when I nevaevaeva do the same to you.

And he mad over one guy. How the fuck was I supposed to know? You know every time he gonna blow out in a huff-- nah. He got all excited and I left a detail out. Now I'm a fucking militant tyrant. Twenty-four hours ago, everyone was happy I came up with that. I ain't even know how I'm still sane in these conditions.

After all we been through, if y'all don't need me and I don't mean nothing to you, shit, Doc, what're we even doing here?

[ Not sniffling. ]

Fuck y'all.

[ click ]

[Well.

Shit.

Nothing for it but to hunt the kid down and try to articulate himself properly, since he'd failed to do so. Why does he keep getting caught up with the most brilliantly frustrating men on any given planet at any given time? Is there a sign on his head that says 'come to me, all ye broken and with daddy issues'? He needs to find a way to pry it off.

Armed with a can of Rockstar and a box of tissues he hunts Q down and lets himself the hell in. The buzzing is loud, crazy loud, hugely loud and he regrets leaving the implants in for this conversation.

He's going to look like the worst kind of hypocrite.]

Kid, we need to talk. Thing one: You aren't nothing to me.

[ Here he is. Swiveling back and forth in the rolly chair, which is starring in yet another scene.

He's slouched over the Red Bull in his hand. Clearly, he's lacking.

He'll just be doing that, back-and-forth, back-and-forth. ]

Two: We both give a damn. We both care. Remember what I told you about Jim? When he cares, he gets scared and he runs.

When I care I get angry.

[He walks forward and stops that swiveling, dropping down to a crouch in front of Q to catch his eyes.]

You don't owe us anything. We don't owe you anything. This isn't about favors or debts or anything like that. This us us being worried for you and handling it badly. Alright?

[ Wow, this one is high-maintenance. He dives right into the doctor's arms, No Bones About It.

Still quiet though. ]

[Good thing he was kind of counting on that. He falls back onto his ass with a grunt, arms locking around Q and tucking him close easily.]

We care. I care. And I know you're not Marcus. I know you don't mean for shit to seem the way it seems because you're just a kid- don't argue that. You do what you think needs doing and don't think twice about how it gets done because hey, it's done and we're all happy at the end of the day.

Jim forgets he was just like that when we met. He's gotten better about it. Nothing for it but time, practice, and a couple of people to slap you upside the head now and again.

[ Q slips loose and leans back. Opens a CD tray and swipes a blunt out from the tray.

He shakes his head at the Doc before he lights. Don't even. ]

He's mad. He's too mad, Doc. I saw in his eyes -- he could float bourbon they was so ice.

[ And...cloud. ]

You think he's gonna come to kill me.

Kid, if you needed killing I wouldn't be able to keep Grimm from snapping your neck right now.

[His hands are very carefully nowhere near Q's neck as he says that. He raises a brow to the blunt, but says nothing.]

I think he's going to burn his bridges.

I guess that means the salvage is out.

[ He lays his arms across his knees, sighing. ]

I'll never be mad at him. For what it's worth. I fuckin' understand where he's comin' from too often.

[ Toss that fucking red bull across the floor. ]

What he means to do and what you let him get away with are two different things.

How many times do you think I had to chase his ass down when he sprinted off on me? I've lost count.

[He reaches over to rub Q's back, lips pressed in a wry twist. Redbull is replaced with Rockstar and damn if his implants don't give a damning clack against the metal when he offers it over.]

Tell him what you see in Wesker. Tell him why you trust him. And don't say it's unconditional because that won't help your case.

[ Pokerface. ]

I don't do that. He goes off, he comes back when he needs me. Aye-aye, cap'n.

[ He slumps over this can instead. But his scarred fingertips run over the logo covetously. ]

Stop making a tool of yourself. You're better than that.

Psh. It's not like how I made it sound. We just have a good time together. Until we don't.

Welcome to life with Jim. Highs, lows, and everything in between.

It's aiight. I'm not complaining. It's just everybody else too, all at once.

[ Visions of sunglasses dance through his head. ]

Well, almost everybody.

Wesker.

[A statement, not a question.]

Questionable actions beget questions. You mean well, but you don't think about how you're coming off.

I always look a little shady, Doc. It's just I can't explain before everybody gets all uproarious.

[ Q tugs his hood up. See? ]

[McCoy flicks the hood back down without preamble.]

Write up debriefs. Do them the way Jim does, rambling, detailed, stream of consciousness but honest. Put it all out there before people start suspect'n things.

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